


On the Couch

by ABitchDoesNotADomMake



Series: On The Couch [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Back in therapy, F/M, because no smut in therapy man, feelings are hard, smut free for your enjoyment, thats just gross, this series is smut free
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 09:40:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12010059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABitchDoesNotADomMake/pseuds/ABitchDoesNotADomMake
Summary: We return to Dr. Plants office for a brief look into the state of Phil Coulson's mind.  Because all heros end up in therapy, man.





	On the Couch

 

On the Couch

 

“I know it’s not my _fault_.  That doesn’t take away my responsibility, though.  These are people I am responsible for.  It doesn’t have to be something that I, personally, did for it to be my responsibility to fix it.  Does that make any sense?”

            Dr. Plant looked at Phil, head tilted just slightly to one side.  She counted to 10, in her head, waiting to respond.  It had been difficult, with this patient, to determine how long a silence should last; when it was long enough to coax more from him; when it was too long and caused him to close off.

            “Does it make sense to you?” she asked, finally.

            He leaned back, sliding the tiniest bit further down into his chair. “Most of the time, yeah, it does.”

            “But not always?”

            “Not always.  I know that, for the most part, everyone chose to be there, and that they knew the risks going in.  And every once in a while, I just get… tired, I guess.  Tired of being responsible.  Tired of being the one they look to for answers.  Tired of fighting, I guess.”

            “You take on a lot of responsibility, Phil.  You take on responsibility for yourself, for your team, for the people affected by events, you take on responsibility for the _world_ at times.  Are you surprised that you get tired?  That’s a lot of being responsible, and not a lot of just being you.”

            “I’m not even sure what ‘just being me’ would look like, Dr. Plant.  I am my job.  I’ve been my job my whole life, practically.  It makes me feel like that’s all I am worth.”

            “Can you try rephrasing that as an “I” statement, like we talked about?”

            Phil sighed, just barely, nearly an emotional response, for him.  “ _I feel_ like my only value is in the way I do my job, most of the time.”

            “You said _most_ of the time.  How do you feel the rest of the time?”

            Phil shifted in his seat, turning his knees and shoulders slightly away from Dr. Plant, his usual physical reaction when there was a direct question about _feelings_.  It was a deep part of his personality, this avoidance of emotional displays, and they were only beginning to get into it, the trust between them still a new and fragile thing.  Unsurprising, given his life, and the way his _last_ therapist died.  Living in his head seemed safer, somehow, to him.

            “I’m not sure how to describe it.  Afloat?  Untethered? Irrelevant?”

            “Those are very descriptive words, but are they feelings?  Emotions?  To me, they sound like ‘lonely’.”

            “Maybe?”  Phil’s voice was soft, low, his eyes focused on his hands.  “Maybe. I try not to think about it that way.”

            “Does that seem like something you would like to talk about more with me, Phil?”

            The tiniest smirk flashes on his face.  “Maybe.”


End file.
